internet mash: aspergers forum/lens culture prison photography (video)/wiki distinguished diarists/apture

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My father is a very cruel, constantly lying, psychological torturing psychopath. I have Aspergers, and

… it is a Journal.

Since 1995, French photographer Klavdij Sluban has been conducting photography workshops for juveniles who are imprisoned in jails around the world.

In this 8-minute video, Sluban talks with Jim Casper of Lens Culture about this work, and shares some of the photographs he has made in jails in countries from the former Soviet Union, France, Ireland, Guatemala and Salvador.

This is the first video of several planned for the new series "Lens Culture Conversations with Photographers".

Visit Klavdij Sluban's website for more information about him and his work.

… it is a Journal.

References

1. ↑ O'Conner, Rory (January 28, 2009). "Apture: Web 3.0 Is Now". huffingtonpost.com. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rory-oconnor/apture-web-30-is-now_b_161608.html. Retrieved on 2009-03-01. 
2. ↑ MacManus, Richard (February 16, 2009). "Apture Packs a Lot of Media Into a Little Pop-Up". readwriteweb.com. http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/apture_popups_media.php. Retrieved on 2009-03-01. 
3. ↑ Ali, Rafat (March 17, 2009). "In-Text Media Links Service Apture Gets $4.1 Million Funding". paidcontent.org. http://www.paidcontent.org/entry/419-in-text-media-links-service-apture-gets-4.1-million-funding/.

That wasn’t always the case. Two days ago, I’d have said I was a blogger .. and all the time before that.

But describing yourself as a blogger is a lot like describing yourself as a tax-payer – regardless of one’s contribution, induction into either role is without obstruction; neither role describes the contribution but merely acknowledges sign-up to the system; and, if either role is entered into with ambivalence the reality of the commitment is soon apparent.

 

My e-relationship was w/ a woman from Romania. Psychotic to the core. There were many lies. She beat me, chased me, blocked my exit, verbally abused me, oh... and we never had sex, not once. She would not let me hug her, or hold her. She said she could not breath when I held her. It all was probably lies. I was probably just used to get a green card. After she left me, having lived together for about 6 months, I met M on a dating site who said that she just lost her job and needed a place to stay, to get back on her feet. Blogging is a much maligned activity … and rightly so. There’s too much noise. Several types survive in the blogging ecosystem. The truly inventive and readable bloggers sit top of the tree – it is they in whom we invest energies and time .. and they are a rarer breed. That group is outnumbered by other types – the martyr, the sycophant, the gossip, the marketer, the angry, the bored, the pedant, the populist, the rich and the wasteful.I had friends and girlfriends before I went to live with my father. After the torture, I became robotic, and the only women I met, were found online:

I am not in the first bunch and I want to stay clear of the second.

And, one wants to be defined by more than the [blogging] tool that one uses, right?

On Monday, a buddy said rather nicely, “I like what you’re up to. That journal
M moved in w/ her 9 year old daughter. She went psycho on me too. She moved all her junk in and kept the house in the utmost disorder. She played video games all day, instead of looking for work. When I came home from work, literally all the lights were on, and when I turned some of them off, she took it as an insult, got mad, and was mean to me. Things really went downhill from there. She made very violent threats against me and I felt unsafe in my own home. When I asked her to leave, she refused. I had to end up living with my sister, while paying her bills. Luckily, I called her family, and they convinced her to leave, but only after stealing the game-system I bought for her to play, at her request, but did not give to her. Sex with the poor girl was really the lousiest sex I've ever had in my life. I might as well have been having sex with air. I had to pound the heck out of her from behind just to feel anything at all, and I could feel how closed her heart chakra was, and hurting, and how it blocked things from escalating during sex. She lied about her weight. Her belly made a loud flapping noise. There was no intimacy. I felt fully sullied having been involved this woman. The lack of physical enjoyment was just a part of the whole package. She eventually started talking to voices that told her crazy stuff like, as she healed herself, the whole world would be healed also. These voices inspired her to want to build a church and be a spirit-guided preacher to all her converts. The whole relationship was a very bad idea. Some people are definitely not worth it.
you keep about prisons and photography is cool. You know, like in the tradition of poets or theorists or madmen who don’t really know where they’re headed but are just exploring a theme to see where it takes them. Because they’re compelled.” Right on.

My mate Wikipedia says, “Strong psychological effects may arise from having an audience for one’s self-expression, even if the journal one writes in is only read by oneself.”

I guess I am happy with the thought experiment alone as justification for this journal.
After that fling, I met my 2nd wife on the same free dating site. On our first date, she got upset at me and called me a curse-word. She had some nice qualities though. She was a reiki master (who smoked), and was very sweet, except for her tantrums. She agreed to try to overcome her anger issues, quit smoking, and even quit wearing all that dark makeup on her face to please me. This Waffle-House waitress was in love with me, & I her. After we married, she immediately started smoking again, and was far too often just mean to me about two weeks out of the month. I cannot say that she was a psychopath. She did not constantly lie to me like my dad, but she was very manipulative, and abusive, but it seemed unintentional. It seemed as if she was driven to be disrespectful and hurtful, due to her feeling unloved, and believe me, I tried very hard to make her feel loved, and I loved her deeply. But here are some of the things that I noticed manipulators & psychopathic lovers do:
They get angry with you, because they believed you thought something that you did not think, and then retaliated by being abusive. I told her my true thoughts, and they were true, and my actions conformed to my thoughts, but it made no difference.

I’ve always answered people’s inquiries about Prison Photography by describing my various interests and the fact I couldn’t describe (or really expect) an audience for them in one package. Also, that I don’t know if there’s a product or how ‘product’ is quantified.

They get angry with you, because they believed you do not love them, and then retaliate by being abusive. I told her that I loved her, bought her gifts, took her out, treated her good..., and I did love her with all my heart, and my actions conformed to my thoughts, but it made no difference.

But, then, who among this company of distinguished diarists knew their audience?

My rather nice buddy is also now a published photographer:

The have show no respect for you. They cross boundaries that should not be crossed. When a working man is tired and it's past 11:30pm and he needs to wake up early & go to work, and he has been trying to listen and comfort his wife for the past 2 hours, it's just not right to demand that he stays up longer - or even have sex at that time. It's not right to demand to have sex after cutting a man down for 2 hours, and he feels worthless, and he feels like all his efforts are not working, and then telling him that he's not listening, and has not heard a word she said the whole time they were talking interactively for the past 2 hours, and he explains he really does not want to have sex because he is entirely hurt and needs sleep for tomorrow. This sort of thing was done regularly. I dare someone to tell me I did not LOVE my wife. How would you, her, or anyone else know what I felt in MY heart!? Such sex as this eventually lead to my becoming very ill, which I still am years later. I've read stories about how a man beat his wife for telling him that he did not love her, and it ended up causing a divorce, but you know what? I do not believe violence is right, or acceptable, but words like that cut a man down to the core, and I understand why he did it. I, instead, sucked it up, and got sick. Maybe if I stood up for myself, I would not be in the chronic pain I'm in today. Still, it's wrong to hit, man or woman.


So, it seems that because I have unsettled issues w/ my dad, I just married him instead, so that I could settle our issues and grow from them. Only, I do not know quite how to solve my father issues. The man constantly lies to me in subtle ways. We both know he's lying, but he pretends like he's an honest and truthful man. It's like gas-lighting. He also, very often over criticizes me, and often criticizes me based on his lies, which is really weird. My current method for dealing with him is to simply reply to him that he's lying when he is, and work on the hurt emotions with energy psychology.