MOST NERD-ONS: Zoe Saldana
She proved a worthy replacement for Nichelle Nichols in Star Trek, and she was improbably sexy as nine-foot-tall blue-skinned Na'vi babe Neytiri in Avatar—it's safe to say that 2009 was Zoe's year. Here's a general-purpose gallery and some scans from Es magazine.
REWARDING CELEBRITY NUDE DEBUT OF THE YEAR: Eva Amurri
Funny, Eva's momma Susan Sarandon is a terrific actress, but she never quite worked for us as a sex symbol. Not so with Eva. She was all kinds of sexy as stripping student Jackie on the Showtime series Californication.
STAR AMONG STARS: Kagney Linn Karter
We linked to an interview with Tera Patrick last week in which the living legend remarked that "There's not really any stars anymore in the industry." Hardcore isn't really our beat, so we're not ones to argue with Tera, but we did notice a particular newcomer who has a lot of potential. In fact, when we first saw pictures of her, we just thought she was a great new model. We had no idea she was doing it with dudes on screen for money. Her name is Kagney Linn Karter, and she does indeed do it with dudes on screen for money. You'll have to find that sort of content yourselves. As to her next-big-thinginess, don't take our word for it. Here's a bird's eye view of the KLK phenomenon. Okay, it was written by her PR peeps, but still...
TIGER WOODS ALLEGED MISTRESS OF THE YEAR: Rachel Uchitel
There is a lot of competition in this category, but Rachel was the first name out there when the story broke. Unfortunately, the news was often accompanied by some pretty mannish photos, prompting lots of head-scratching. The Tiger story continues to unfold, and his life is no doubt a living hell, but here's some good news: Rachel is actually much more attractive than we initially thought.
GIRLWATCHING TECH OF THE YEAR: Twitter
Follow us at Twitter.com/Grlwtchr; more importantly, follow the ladies we follow for good, clean tittilation—Twittilation—delivered to your desktop daily with no effort required on your part. (Photo courtesy TechBabe, who straightens our dongle a little bit every time she tweets about her #fucktard colleagues.)
LEAST WORRISOME PORN DEBUT: Jelena Jensen
When we hear about glamour models crossing over into the porn world, we're often a little concerned—it's their decision, of course, but choosing porn as a consolation career is risky business. Yet when we heard Jelena Jensen was going to start doing live sex shows online, we didn't feel the slightest cringe. Jelena is a veteran not just of Playboy Special Editions and Playboy TV but also Penthouse, Lowrider, Mayfair, Club, Cheri—it's hard to think of a men's magazine she hasn't modeled for. She's bubbly and charming, and she's been around the block a few times—if Jelena wakes up one day and says "What the hell, I'm gonna start fucking my boyfriend on camera," we'll take it at face value.
WAG OF THE YEAR: Jaimelee Darley
We can't say BleacherReport got it wrong when they picked Brooklyn Decker as tops among athletes' wives and gilfriends. We might have, as well. But then we found out that unranked Victoria's Secret Angel Search runner-up Jamielee Darley is the girlfriend of Sacha Kljestan, who might be playing for the US national team in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. (Yes, we posted this clip of Jamielee before. There's a dearth of material out there on Jamielee. The girl was thiiis close to being a Victoria's Secret Angel, and all that we have to show for it is a handful of pictures and a couple videos? Jamielee...we're waiting...the world is waiting. Do a new photoshoot...with Brooklyn Decker...)
LEAST MYSTERIOUS NIPPLES OF THE YEAR: Lady Gaga vs. Lily Allen
The former. The latter. Sigh. Lindsay Lohan is lucky we didn't allow a three-way tie.
MOST MYSTERIOUS NIPPLES OF THE YEAR: Denise Milani
The title has been Denise's for a couple of years—she is shielding those things like they are fragile robin's eggs made of unobtainium and prone to skin cancer. And for all we know, that's exactly what they are. She has to have nipples, right? A girl can't just not have them—that would be against the laws of nature, we think. We've said it before: Denise Milani is one of the few models on the Internet who can keep her clothes (mostly) on and look sexier than 90 percent of the girls who are taking them off.
GIRLFRIEND OF THE YEAR: Elisabetta Canalis
It would be easy for us to lean back and say, "Oh, if it's good enough for George Clooney, it's good enough for us." But the fact is we've been onto Betta since way back—roughly 2003, when she was featured in a nude calendar put out by Max magazine. Plus, we think we used that "good enough for Clooney" line before.
HOOTERS OF THE YEAR: Iga Wyrwal
Well, there is little argument as to where the best hooters were in 2009—the pages of British magazines, generally. But whose to choose? Could have gone with Kitty Lea's. Could have gone with Lucy Pinder's. Could have gone with Sammy Braddy's. Could have gone with Sophie Howard's. Could even have gone with Keeley Hazell's, which resurfaced in a PETA advertisement after some time off. But in the end there is really only one choice: Iga, also known as Eva or Eve, Wyrwal. Not only are they of high quality, they were just plain everywhere—every month, if not every week, brought new doses of her abundant Polish pectorals. And each shoot seemed better than the last—she raised the bar, and then raised it again, and then raised it again, and then put her huge naked breasts on it. And though these have to be some of the hardest-working hooters in the business, they look no worse for wear. We could link to any number of mind-blowing galleries of Iga, but seeing as we're looking back at 2009, this works: her 2009 calendar, released in late 2008, before Girlwatcher even existed.
Happy new year, all.
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